Elisabeth Sheff’s book, “The Polyamorists Next Door,” offers a detailed and insightful exploration of polyamorous families based on 15 years of ethnographic research, interview data, and personal experience. The book provides a comprehensive introduction to polyamory, covering key terminology, different forms of multiple-partner relationships, and motivations for pursuing polyamory. Unlike popular books on the topic, Sheff connects this information to larger sociological concerns, enhancing readers’ understanding of polyamory and its sociological significance.
The book delves into the research findings, presenting rich data and thick descriptions of the experiences of adults and children in polyamorous families. Sheff examines both the positive and negative aspects of these relationships. Furthermore, she explores the strategies employed by poly families to navigate the internal challenges of multiple adults in a family and the external difficulties of existing in a mononormative world. The book concludes with a discussion of how the experiences of poly families contribute to family research and policies.
Throughout her exploration of poly family life, Sheff astutely incorporates a gender, race, and class analysis. She goes beyond merely identifying the racial and class homogeneity of research participants and offers compelling insights into the reasons behind it. Her gender analysis highlights that while poly families challenge traditional norms in some ways, the division of labor remains gendered and disadvantageous to women. Nevertheless, Sheff’s findings also shed light on how poly families redefine family definitions, affective ties, and notions of fatherhood. Researchers and theorists interested in gender and its influence on family life will find this book informative. Additionally, as the first sociological study on children in poly families, it is a valuable resource for scholars of childhood.
Sheff’s approach presents polyamorous families as both similar to and distinct from other families, emphasizing their normalcy and resiliency. The book contributes to our understanding of all families, including emerging relationship forms like serial monogamy and blended families. Social and clinical psychologists will find the book’s emphasis on normalcy and resilience particularly intriguing.
As a groundbreaking text on the family life of sexually non-conforming adults and their children, Sheff’s emphasis on normalcy and affinity with other families is understandable given her personal and professional experiences. She candidly discusses the challenges she has faced as a researcher, including sex negativity and prejudicial assumptions made by colleagues, journals, and granting agencies. Sheff clarifies that while her research occasionally touches on sexuality, her primary focus lies in areas such as finances, division of labor, power dynamics, interpersonal relationships, and stigma—topics central to mainstream sociological and social psychological studies on families.
Sheff’s description of her experiences as a researcher in academia provides valuable insights for sociologists and would be a valuable addition to courses on research methods, methodology, and the sociology of sexuality. However, at times, her distancing from sex and sexuality research, while accurate and methodologically important, may inadvertently perpetuate the marginalization of research and theories regarding non-conforming populations’ sexuality. Sheff herself does not establish a hierarchical distinction between mainstream sociology and sex and sexuality research. Instead, she highlights how her work on a sexually non-conforming population has been marginalized by other academics and institutions.
In summary, “The Polyamorists Next Door” is an essential read due to its empirical quality, rigor, and the scarcity of mainstream sociological understanding on polyamory and multi-partner families. It caters to a wide range of readers, including those interested in multi-partner relationship forms and families, social and clinical psychologists studying or counseling families, and sociologists exploring family, gender, childhood, and sexuality. It offers valuable insights into the research process and the politics of academia.
Title: The Polyamorists Next Door: Inside Multiple-Partner Relationships and Families
Author: Elisabeth Sheff
Location: New York
Publisher: Rowman & Littlefield
Year: 2014